How to Deal With People Who Grub Cigarettes

If you're a smoker, you've more than likely had someone 'bum a butt' off you. Maybe your smoke buddy ran out, maybe a stranger asks for more than a light, but if you're reading this it's probably because you've encountered a person you know who never seems to have cigarettes and always wants to smoke yours. Here are some ideas on how to politely, but firmly, decline the people who want to smoke out of everyone else's pack.

Steps

1. Tell them you are on the patch. Obviously if you're smoking at the time this won't work. Don't tell them you have quit, because if they do see you smoking they'll know you're lying. But, every smoker knows that if you're in the process of quitting sometimes you might indulge the craving.
2. Tell them you don't give out cigarettes because they kill people and it's bad enough you smoke, and you're seriously considering quitting. Lie, if necessary.
3. Be up front with them. Tell them they seem to always ask you for a butt, and ask them why that is. Depending on their response, give them a rational argument on why smoking yours isn't the solution.
   • Example: I don't have money for cigarettes right now. Tell them that you don't have enough money to keep giving them your cigarettes. If they offer to pay you for one cigarette, tell them to save the money until they can buy a pack. If they say they only need one, tell them that they can quit if all they need is one cigarette.
4. This is down and dirty but if you know the person has a smoking related health condition, use that as a defense. Tell them that you know they have that condition from smoking and you don't feel right giving them cigarettes because of it.
5. Tell them you have only one cigarette left and you need it. Alternatively, tell them it's your last pack and it's got to last you until payday. Seem really apologetic.
6. Try the menthol defense. Tell them you smoke menthols if it isn't someone who knows your preference. Many people won't smoke a menthol, but the desperate will, so be careful. Always back up the menthol defense with another one if it doesn't work because if you don't smoke menthol and give them a cigarette they'll know you're lying. You can get around this by actually smoking menthol cigarettes.
7. Consider if they are trying to quit. They may have stopped buying to try to quit smoking. If that's the case and it becomes a problem you should remind them they bum smokes when they drink (meet out, etc.) and should pick up a pack on the way.
8. Make a point to bum cigarettes off of them when they have them. If they balk after a few times you can remind them you "know how it feels". If they're fine sharing you can at least try to break even.
9. Ask your smoking buddies what they would do in your situation. Smokers will tell you what they do, even strangers who are smokers. Seriously, if you don't have a light you can pretty much go up to any smoker and ask for one and you'll get it.
10. Call them before meeting them out. Say you're running late and ask them to pick up a pack of cigs for you on the way. Hopefully they will buy their own but if you're in doubt you should suggest it.
11. Use the "I bummed this one" defense.
12. Give them a pack for their birthday or a gifting holiday. Joke that it should last them a while so you can get a break.
13. Consider switching brands, even if just for going out with the person, especially if you're a girl and a guy is the culprit. Take a pack of a brand that is particularly skinny or girlie.
14. If you can, smoke a hand-rolled or other unfiltered cigarette. Many smokers, even hardened chain smokers, feel these are far too strong. However, they may be too strong for you as well at first. They are also worse for your health, because without a filter, more smoke gets into your lungs. One last benefit is even if people do still bum them off you, rolling tobacco and papers are amaingly cheap compared to regular cigarettes.
15. Make a joke out of it. Most moochers will take the hint if they're called out a few times. Try these as a greeting or when with these grubbing friends. Make sure you let other victimized friends in on the plan to call them out so they can join in. Try one of the following passive aggressive "hints":
    • "I suppose you'd like to mooch a cigarette"
    • "Certainly you aren't still out of cigarettes and about to ask me for one"
    • "____ is coming! Hide your cigarettes!"
    • "If I'm supplying the smokes, you're buying the beer."
    • "You know, you passed about 10 stores today, so don't walk over here and mooch my last smoke".
    • "Ya know, they sell these in stores. You should consider investing in your own."
    • "Hey, I'm almost out too, here's a few bucks, grab me a pack when you get yours."

Tips

• Don't instantaneously dismiss someone grubbing a butt. Remember that smokers are a very companionable lot, and it's nice smoking with someone else - there's more than a fair chance you've been caught without a drag somewhere, and somebody has supplied one for you. It's only a problem if it's the same person all the time - in that case, try asking him or her for half a dollar. Tell them you don't have money for cigars either - if they want one, you'll be glad to part with one for a nominal fee.
• If someone really is irritating or ignorant about your 'quit smoking', point out that cars produce 1,000 times more carbon monoxide than a cigarette, so you'll quit smoking if they quit driving. Also tell them you're sort of a hero because at least you're taking the majority of your carbon monoxide internally. Carbon monoxide from cars is released for everyone to breathe. Also, smoking has not yet been linked to global warming.